Beating up the Fags

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*Abandon all Hope ye who Enter Here**

This is not a typical post for me – this is a very political, very social, very disparaging rant – consider yourself warned ūüėÄ

A friend of mine across the pond was on a bit of a cigarette regulation rant himself the other day – and called an e-cigarette the Electrofag – which is why the British slang for a smoke is floating around in my head.

So – as Heisenberg says – ‘Relax…..’¬† This is a rant about cigarette regulation…not about the homosexual population – some of which I consider great friends.

I used to smoke.

I liked to smoke.

I wasn’t one of them weak-willed cig-suckers who bemoaned about addiction, and wanting to quit, and how awful the Corporate Tobacco masters were to make us their collective bitch, and how everyone should shed a tear for the poor, pitiful smoker who tried to hork out a lung when waking up in the morning because it WASN’T OUR FAULT!

mutter your favorite word for fecal material here…

I didn’t want pity.¬† I didn’t want a solution to my ‘horrible problem.’¬†¬†I just wanted to exercise my right as an adult to perform this¬†habit I¬†chose to indulge in.

I.  Liked.  To.   Smoke.

I knew what it was doing to my body, and every once in a while, I’d get sick and tired of feeling a bit sick and tired, and put the smokes away for a few months.¬† But I was always back for 20 of my little white cylindrical buddies sooner or later.¬† Cold turkey was always my preferred method of quitting, as I had to get in the ‘I don’t wanna do this anymore’ mindset.

I.  Liked.  To.   Smoke.

Any time I bowed to societal pressure and attempted to quit ‘because everyone was doing it,’ ‘do it for your loved ones,’ or any of the other claptrap created to guilt smokers into giving up their habit, I was back at it within days…especially when¬†using the NRT products offered by the friendly neighborhood Pharma House.

I.    Liked.     To.     Smoke.

When I got pregnant with both my boys – I gave up smokes.¬† Those were the easiest quits I did – the smoke made an already unstable stomach even more unstable.¬† Nothing like hugging Ralph (the porcelain god) after every cigarette to persuade oneself to give up the habit.¬† But after the kid popped out…here come my little round buddies in their square packs.

I.  Liked.  To.   Smoke.

It was¬†the habit, the ritual, all the little quirky mannerisms that come WITH a cigarette that I¬†desired more than the nicotine or the TSNA’s (Tobacco-Specific Nitrosamines)¬†IN the cigarette.¬† Smokers will know exactly what I mean – the rest of you have no business judging until you’ve tried to give up an ingrained ritual of your own…say that first morning cup of coffee, the daily¬†5 mile run, or Saturday Night Sex-athons.

I.    Liked.    To.     Smoke.

Which is why it is so surprising to me that I am nearing my 6th year in a row without lighting a carbon-based plant substance on fire and sucking the results of that combustion deep into my lung tissue.

I quit smoking by finding a substitute which allows me to indulge in all the mannerisms and ritual, without that pesky smoke stinking up the place and coating my lungs with a layer of tar.  I use a vapor product.

And now – by some twisted quirk of fate – those same arrogant bastards who spent decades demonizing the lowly cigarette are intent on painting my shiny new habit with the same tarry brush.

Why?  Money.  Power.  Arrogance.  Chutzpah.  Compensating for smaller genitals or lack of a sex life?  At this point, anything is possible.

I watched the war against cigarettes unfold in all its ugly incarnations as one of many receivers of unwanted attention.  While it started with good, simple, and attainable directives (educate the public about the dangers of smoking, and more of the public will choose not to smoke), it has slowly morphed into a witch hunt reminiscent of the Salem Trials.  If things continue on down the same path they have been, I firmly believe the endgame will be to burn smokers at the stake Рusing their own brand of coffin nails instead of wood or straw to set the bonfire.

No…dammit…they won’t.¬† Second-hand smoke and all that might harm the cheeeeeeeeeeeeldren.

Believe me, or not, your choice.  But before you toss off a hate-filled rant in the comments section, stop.

Just for a second.



Is your reaction to the smoking issue quick and heated?¬† Does your mind fill with various sound-bytes and memes demonizing the average Joe-smoker?¬† Guess what?¬† You’ve been groomed to respond in this manner – without thought, without introspection, without REALLY thinking it through.

Marinate on that for a bit….I’ll wait.

Just like Pavlov’s dog was taught to salivate at the sound of a bell…the majority of people who DON’T smoke have been conditioned to bare their fangs and growl at the slightest whiff of smoke – the very sight of someone lifting a cylindrical object to their mouths will ignite a deep-seated desire to prove they are less than you, beneath you…a proto-human it’s OK to hate.

And those who used to smoke?¬† That’s a combination of unfulfilled desire to once again partake mixed in with that same smarmy superiority ego-trip.¬† If I can quit, anyone can.¬† Just man up.

Have I gotten you to start thinking outside the programming yet?¬† Or –¬†will you continue to¬†let the architects of Public Hate Health ignite the flames (using specially-prepared ‘clean-burning’ wood so as not to add to the carbon-footprint of the world),¬†certain they’ve got¬†them damn smokers ground to a paste under their well-polished heels?

Time to shake off the programming, people…

3 thoughts on “Beating up the Fags

  1. So … banning cigarettes makes as much sense to me as Prohibition or banning recreational drugs. If people want to do things that will damage their brains or bodies, they have a right to make that choice. Nobody ever tried to ban chocolate, right? And believe me, that stuff is SERIOUSLY addictive – and consuming too much of it hasn’t done me any good at all.

    That said, I have to confess that I loathe being exposed to cigarette smoke. No, I haven’t been brainwashed – I just hate the smell. It gives me a headache and makes me feel sick, and my eyes water and my nasal passages swell up. I used to hate having to smell it in restaurants, where I was paying the same for my meal as the smokers were but enjoying it a whole lot less – and I resented the heck out of the way the smoking section was invariably the section with windows and a view, which might have made some sense if the windows were open and there were fans blowing the smoke out through them but it never bloody worked that way, did it?

    So while I wish smokers would voluntarily choose to keep the habit to themselves (maybe, instead of banning cigarettes, we should have invented a way to keep the smoke swirling safely around the smoker’s head and clothes and hair?), and while I also wish restaurateurs, etc had chosen to recognize non-smokers’ need for clean air, I can’t deny enjoying the effects of anti-smoking regulations. If I had to vote on the issue I would vote in favor of letting smokers do whatever the hell they want, because I really do believe in personal freedom – including the personal freedom to behave like an asshole.

    But I need to tell you, I don’t hate smoking because I’ve been programmed. I hate it because it stinks. I feel the same way about having to go home reeking of smoke as I would about alcohol, if drunk people claimed that they had a right to throw up on me.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. The smoking bans in the pursuit of clean air were a necessary evil – but they should have been short term evil…after the term ended (showing shop owners that their business would/would not suffer by smoker exclusion) the option should have been given to each and every shop owner whether they would cater to the smoker…or the non-smoker. Instead, we’ve removed the choice from the business owner to set up blanket laws.

    You have the right to enjoy smoke-free air when you go out and about – but the smokers also have the right to smoke. Why not let the small business owners decide which group they wish to cater to, instead of having our lawmakers decide what’s ‘best’ for all?


    • I absolutely agree with you. Before smoking in public places was banned, I would in fact choose not to go to places where it was welcomed. This applies to so many things … I think a lot of what lawmakers want to accomplish – or what people want to accomplish by passing laws – is good and desirable. But I don’t believe it’s the gubmint’s job to tell us what to do with our bodies or our personal stuff. I apply the same argument to Obamacare … Yes, the concept of universal healthcare is appealing, but NO NO NO I don’t want some bureaucrat managing it! NO!

      Liked by 1 person

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