Buzzed…

For the record, I am the Worlds Greatest Alcoholic Lightweight – which is quite the accomplishment being a native of a state that only runs when fueled with fermented hops.

Don’t believe me?  The last study done of the ’20 Drunkest States in the US’ listed 12 cities in Wisconsin.  Not only did we breach the 50% mark on the list, we DOMINATED the top 10.  We are, in every sense of the word, a beer state with a Green & Gold Problem…

Wisco drinks copy

I place the blame for my personal anomaly regarding Wisconsin’s #1 leisure activity on the 1st adult mistake I made, which was getting married before any of my siblings so I’d have bragging rights.

…It ain’t easy being a middle child…

The man I selected as my compatriot in this disaster came from a long line of slightly-functioning alcoholics.  It was quite the eye-opening experience for the young and idealistic (OK…stupid) me to find out that some people simply canNOT behave responsibly with liquor.

Being the sober one in a mentally-abusive alcoholic relationship makes one learn how to NOT want to drink…so, naturally, I’m out of practice.

2015-new-hot-sale-ipop-toilet-stickers-carved-removable-wall-stickers-english-toilet-stickers-for-toiletsAlthough I do occasionally have an adult beverage or two…it takes me decades to ramp up to an evening getting full-on drunk-as-a-skunk – because these occasions invariably end with me clutching the Porcelain God…who’s personal name is Ralph…

…I prefer the other end of me closest to the business end of a toilet…

Here’s where alcohol ends up in the Keto world…

  1.   It’s the ‘4th’ macronutrient – with 7 calories per gram, 2nd only to fats, with 9.  But this nutrient is an empty one, as it only produces a slight energy uptake with no real nutrition, and hasn’t much lasting power.
  2.   As alcohol is a poison, your body recognizes it as such, and immediately begins to process ‘that damn stuff’ OUT of your body.  This is why drunks get drunk – that woozy feeling is the body going into overdrive to metabolize the stuff.
  3.   This is also why you have to pee so much when you’re drunk, because the kidneys don’t want that stuff in residence any longer than necessary.
  4.   Alcohol in the body is ‘cushioned’ by glycogen stores in the liver (glycogen being the storage-mode of sugar and carbs) in a normal diet.  In keto, we’ve depleted those stores by eating minimal carbs – so we have no cushion to pad the hit of the booze.

 

So – long story short – when you drink on Keto, you get drunk…FAST.

I did an experiment this weekend – a shot of Captain Morgan within a glass of diet Coke.  I started to feel the effects of the booze as soon as I walked into the liquor store.

I like to bring shame to my state whenever possible 😀

Here’s the weekly Keto update:

Thursday -The SQO was feeling a bit down over his work situation, so after work I made an emergency trip over to Milwaukee to offer support & dinner.  We ended up at the Denny’s next to his store. Sit down dining doesn’t have to be a carb-zilla experience.  I filled up on a sweet ham & cheese omelette,  putting the toast on D’s plate, and shoving aside those hash browns.  For a side…a salad.

Friday – I found some freezer sausage patties that were flavored with maple (sweet & savory meat – one of my favorite combos) with only 3 net carbs per serving.  Paired those with the (read this in a low-pitched, loud & echo-y voice) ULTIMATE salad bar.

As I had extra bodies eating dinner, what I did was get a huge bag of a pre-chopped lettuce salad blend.  Chopped some leftover chicken, ham, peppers, bacon, onions, olives, pea pods, assorted shredded cheeses, and left all the toppings on the counter in individual little bowls.  Served true salad bar style – everyone got a bowl, and assembled their own salads just the way they wanted.

Paired those huge salads with baked potatoes (for everyone else, not for me…) so they could load them with the salad toppings as they saw fit.  And – extra sour cream in the fridge to play with throughout the week.

Saturday – Wheeeeee!!!!  I got drunk for science – but not drunk enough to visit Ralph.

Sunday – Hmmm.  That single glass of booze last night has me hungry today – almost like I’ve been punted out of Ketosis.  Keeping the faith, though – with a scramble comprised of various stuff left over from the salad bar, and some bratwurst patties for dinner.

Monday -Strange that I’ve been fighting hunger for the last 2 days – it can’t be JUST because of the drink.   So – I did a search on the one little thing that I changed up.  The Mio water enhancers.  Turns out, Sucralose (the sweetener in these little drops) can cause some people to experience hunger, because the sweet flavor tricks your stomach into believing there is a sugar-laden carb bomb on the way down, so it prepares for it.

I have to believe that pairing these drops with heavy cream, though, does not induce the hungry, because the body has something to digest.

Soooo – back to the unsweetened iced tea for me – I’ll keep the water flavorants for my morning drink (2T heavy cream, 1 squirt orange Mio in a travel mug filled with ice & water).

Tuesday – Tonight is Marcus Theater’s special $5 admission night – any movie you want to see, all seats are a measly $5.  The SQO wanted to go see The Awakening 2, so dinner was a scramble.  I ended up with a pair of hot dogs along with a plateful of pan fried green beans (plenty of garlic & onion in dem beans…).   With dinner being so light, I was a bit peckish at the movie, but I nimbly avoided the popcorn once again, and celebrated the carb-avoidance with some extra egg salad when I got home.

And the movie?  Crazy bizarre & scary.  It’s based on a real-life couple who did a lot of paranormal research in the 70’s, and their encounter in a haunted house in England.   It made me give out involuntary exclamations (but no screams) in 3 separate occasions, which may be a record.  Usually…I giggle at the bits the rest of the audience is jumping out of their skin over.

If you’ve got a taste for scary ghost movies…go see it.

 

 

 

 

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