Knock it off, Amazon!

I tell ya…you look at ONE thing on Amazon…

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Let me make this perfectly clear, Amazon…I am NOT having a baby.  I’m 50 years old, ferkristsake, and THE BABY FACTORY IS CLOSED!

I will welcome any grandkids once they appear, however…

At least I know where this recommendation comes from…

 

As I’ve got an accepted offer on the new house, and the bank has tentatively accepted my mortgage application, I’m gonna be moving.  The kids and I are splitting up our current household’s stuff, and they use the living room furniture more than I do.  We’ve decided they can keep the couch and chair we got from the Restore shop when we moved into our apartment.

Restore is part of the Habitat for Humanity group – they take in donations and resell them to support their objectives, and I’m happy to have bought used stuff from them.

So, seeing though I’m gonna be living room furniture-less when I move, I’m scouring the ‘net.  One of my regular stops is (of course) Amazon.

While I was clicking through various end tables and daybed frames and other stuff, I came across an object I had to look at, just to clarify what it was.

It was a changing station that you could attach to any level surface (like a dresser or nightstand) to safely change the diapers of any child currently in need of a dry bottom.  Now, I’m not gonna lie – the thing has great potential as a mobile workstation for chainmaille (if it can contain a child, I’ll bet it can keep rings from rolling all over the place!)…BUT….

I’m not in a position just yet to buy things for the new house.  I refuse to buy ANYthing for the new place until I actually have keys in my hot little hands 😀

And, seriously, Amazon?  Ya’ll are 100X worse than the worst office gossip.  I’m surprised they didn’t send me a congratulatory email welcoming my new addition to the world!

/endrant

Now, just to reward ya’ll for getting through my latest Amazon rant…here’s a shot I took of the future Chainmaille Central.  The current owner still has a LOT of stuff to clear out of the house…but I’ve got around 6 more weeks until I can start spreading MY stuff all over this bench!

Chainmaille Central

 

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Sporadic-us

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There was this scene from ‘Clueless’ quite a while ago which keeps popping into my head… she was planning a romantic night with her current ‘man of her dreams’ and he wanted to watch the original Spartacus.  Only in the monologue, she pronounced it Sporadic-us…so I’ve blatantly stolen that little bit of giggle for my blog post.

If you’re unfamiliar with the movie Clueless, it came out in the mid-90’s – it starred Alicia Sliverstone playing the part of an extremely shallow teenager with unlimited funds coming of age.  There are a lot of little leavening bits like the one I’ve stolen, but overall, it’s a good, silly little flick.

Which has to bring me to the meat & taters of this post.  I’ll probably be a little Sporadic-us in my postings for the next couple of months, because I’m FINALLY buying a house!

Yea, life-changing event.  Saving for the future.  Largest investment.  30 YEAR mortgage!
PANIC-LEVEL ANXIETY!

So while the bank is combing through every inch of my financial history, while the seller and listing agent are attempting to keep my interest high, while the credit card is sweating bullets with all the STUFF I have to get to maintain the home, while the entire team are working on justifying lending this single, 50 year old woman a metric shit-ton of money…well, let’s just say, they may be keeping me a bit too busy to regularly tackle the blog.

On the other hand, you may well get a number of posts from me bemoaning the entire process and how intrusive it feels.  There may even be tears.  We’ll just have to wait and see how the words hit the screen.

Any time that’s not taken up with jumping through all the hoops of high-property finance will be properly winnowed away by the little gremlins in my head who are screaming and breaking things because they HATE moving!

Right now, they’re enacting this enchanting scene from 300…

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Wish me calm…I need it!

My Good Deed for the Day

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I rescued a little birdie today…

Seriously.

There are a couple of different ways to get up to the 2nd level of the city parking structure, where I park my car.  The one I use most often is the main entrance on South Street, currently being torn all to hell & back (and, let’s make this clear…this is NOT one of the nicer hells) by Wisconsin’s ‘other’ season.

Last night, they had torn out the sidewalk leading up to the structure’s main doors.  When the construction crews aren’t in the street, you can still get in there by crossing the torn-up street and sneaking in around through the barriers.

Well…they start early.  By the time I need to access my car and get to work, they’ve got the construction zone all full of moving equipment.

So I’ve gone to plan B – Use the street entrance to the SSI building, go up the elevator, and cross the alley by means of the skyway.

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This morning…there was a bird stuck in the garage side of the skyway.  He was frantically beating himself against the glass, certain that there HAD to be a bird-shaped hole he could get through so he could return to the sky.

 

Poor little thing.

 

I started by trying to guide his frantic flight through the big open doors in the garage.  Nope…he was having none of that, and I probably scared the thing half to death in the attempt.  So next, was a careful cornering of the fella and a catch.

He didn’t resist the hands much.  Once I cupped his wings, he was quiet while I transported him back to the open side of the garage structure.  As soon as I opened my hands, he was gone, back into the skies of his domain.

He didn’t even poop in my hands.  I’d say that’s all the thanks I need 😀

A Chainmaille Tribute to that ‘S’ word

Late last month, I got a rather urgent call from my SQO.  He was over at his Aunt’s place, and was going to be there a little while longer than planned, because they had to wait for the EMS.

His mother was visiting as well, and, upon exiting her car, she misplaced a foot.  The difference in elevation between the driveway and the lawn snagged an unwary victim, and she ended up falling out of her car.

Diagnosis:  she broke a hip.

Now, if we ‘age’ this wonderful lady by her attitude, I’d put her in the late teens.  She’s a fiery person in a chronologically-correct 80 year old shell.  So, with bones having spent that amount of time defying gravity’s pull, her doctors decided to replace the joint, rather than immobilize and let it heal naturally.

I had an opportunity to visit with her in the hospital…and made her a little something to brighten her room.

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The flowers are sprouting ALL over my little corner of the Earth.  Winter is back in the coat closet 😀

 

More on that Damned Shower

Soooo…against my better judgement, I took a shower with the ‘questionable’ bar of soap.

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I’ve regretted it…
Especially my right butt cheek.

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I’ll be the first to admit I’m not the most graceful swan, gliding in stunning white over pure blue, mirror-bright water…rather, I resemble a duck.

 

Waddling along.
Through an endless field.
Of dry grass.
Missing half his wing feathers.
And a leg.

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So I had a bit of a slip, and ended up sitting down on the ledge of the tub…REALLY hard!

 

In between a stream of rather inventive expletives, I heard it.

The soap…
giggling with the abandon of the damned.

 

I’m switching back to Ivory…

 

 

 

 

Showering with the Damned

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There’s this little boutique-y shop downtown that makes its money by selling small portions of its floorspace to the REALLY small business craftsperson.  The business is kinda like the farmer’s markets that pop up in cities all over the country, only year round and with the comfort of HVAC.

I’ve often bounced around the idea of renting my own floor space in the place to open up a new visibility point for my chainmaille.

Aaaaaanyway….This particular boutique has a stall for this craftsperson who makes soap.
It’s fantastic stuff, this handcrafted soap.  They add colors in swirls, make the stuff smell amazing, and the bars get their intended job done.  My favorite scent (of the moment) is an almond/cherry mix, although I’ve also been particular to their sandalwood spice mix in the past.

So, last night, shower happened.  Here I am, sudsing up without a care in the world, and I look…really LOOK… at my bar of sweet & bubbly solidly saponified fat…

I looked up soap-making quite some time ago…fascinating process!

And it occurred to me that there’s a rather demonic face being rubbed all over my…

let’s just say…

feminine bits.

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A bit TMI?

Not sure if I should use the rest of the bar, or craft a protective circle around it and attempt to exorcise the demon?

Evil shouldn’t smell this sweet…

Sunshine Blogger Award

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My All-time FAVORITE sunshine shot

I’ve an award!

My favorite demon-runner nominated me for this prestigious award, and I’ve had a great time visiting her little slice of the interewebz.  Go have a read, I promise it will be worth it!  Outrunning My Demons

As for the Sunshine Blogger Award?  Yea, it’s one of those bouncing blog posts that cycle through the ‘net, full of questions to be answered and more to be asked.   The ‘rules’ are simple, if one wishes to follow them:

Here are the rules for being nominated…

  • Thank the blogger that nominated you in the post and link back to their blog
  • Answer the 11 questions the blogger asked you
  • Nominate 8-11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award Logo on your post and/or in your blog

Usually, I take a browse through the questions, and if something pokes the goofy muse, we dutifully apply fingers to keyboard.  So, congrats, (not)Alissa…you woke the sleepy one, who quickly downed an entire pot of coffee and started digging through movie posters in search of answers, because after all that caffeine, she was too twitchy to type properly.

I was asked…

1. What is your favorite topic to blog about?
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Anything and everything I come into contact with is potential blog-fodder…so I write about life…all life, not just the alien kind, although I’m certain there are certain celebrities who’ve forged their birth certificates to more closely resemble humans…

 

 

 

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2. Do you prefer salty or sweet?
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Wave crispy, salty, starchy snacks in my face, and I fold like an origami sculpture.  I have no defense against the humble potato.

 

 

 

 

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3. Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?
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Don’t ask me about the weather, the traffic, the news or politics, and I won’t have to pretend I didn’t hear your opening salvo into that dread social contrivance called small talk.  Seriously, I’d rather endure non-anesthetized invasive surgery while listening to Beethoven’s 9th symphony being whistled off key.

 

 

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4. Where is your number one place you would like to visit?
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I have to give co-thanks to Steve Martin and my 4th grade teacher, with an additional nod to the Egyptian National Museum for allowing King Tut to get out of his dusty tomb/exhibit and travel the world, for my absolute OBSESSION with all things ancient Egyptian…so if anyone out there is willing to spring for tickets/lodging/meals/passport documentation/ immunizations any some discretionary spending funds…I’ll be the first on the first plane heading out there.  I’ve got the extra vacation time, because I NEVER GO ANYWHERE.

 

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5. Where is the most beautiful place you have ever traveled to?
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I say again:  I NEVER GO ANYWHERE.  My last ‘adventure’ was the funeral in February, travel time >2 hours.  I simply don’t travel well.

Been to some pretty locations in this state, however.  The Dells (as long as you veer away from the tourist traps), up the thumb, and the Chippewa Valley are all jam-packed with some awesome vistas.  And…if you’re like me and love water, come spend some time with me meditating along the Fox River or on the banks of Lake Michigan.  Leave the Speedo at home, though, because they MEAN it when they say “Cooler by the Lake.”

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6. If you were forced to pick one…Are you beauty, brawn, or brains?
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“Braaaaaaains….”

Actual quote from me before coffee….

 

 

 

 

 

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7. What is your birth order?
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I am 3rd.  I was the most awesomest child in the entire world…the one that the parents decided was the perfect child and that they couldn’t improve on with future offspring…until my little brother came along and foiled this joke.

I’ve spent the remaining years of my life becoming the hugest pain in the ass the family has ever seen.

Maybe my weirdness is because I’m a Sidhe changeling?

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8. What book/movie closely resembles the story of your life?

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OK, I’ll admit…the muse and I argued back and forth over this one…so we decided to add them both to this answer.  The first, because it’s as apt as apt can get in this day and age, and the second because Weird Al is my idol.

Seriously.

How can you NOT love a guy who’s made his way through life absorbing the artistic creations of his peers, then improving them with a healthy dash of Weird?

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9. What is the temperature outside right now?
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This may have the letters G, I, N, P, R, and S arranged in an order I have refused to type out, but I didn’t officially TYPE the letters in that order.  And, there are other letters jammed right up against them, so I’ve managed to keep the ban against that word intact.

According to the Wunderground, it is 56 degrees and sunny.  Should make a fantastic walk home tonight.  I think the slinky has officially started down the stairs here in Wisconsin.

 

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10. What is the last thing you ate?
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I’ve followed the Ketogenic style of eating for almost 2 years, now…so the bacon should come as no surprise.  I have a few slices every morning, coupled with a hard boiled egg and a slice of low-carb bread, and wash it all down with a large cup of coffee with cream.

Any ‘diet’ that encourages the consumption of bacon is a diet I can stick to.

 

 

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11. What is your favorite hobby?
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Unless you literally fell into my blog last night, you’ll know that I have an obsession with twisting little metal jump rings into slinky, twisty, comical and sometimes extremely colorful patterns.

In my world, chainmaille is not just a hobby, it’s a deeply held conviction that life could be better if everyone just wore handmade chains.

 

 

 

Nominees to continue the madness?  Well, this is the part I normally don’t like to do, because it sounds way too much like assigning homework to an unlucky student.  Blogging is supposed to be fun and spontaneous – not a chore.  If this wasn’t fun, I wouldn’t have maintained the T&T for the 4 (?) years I’ve been pounding the keys developing it.  But still….there are a couple of vict…er…bloggers out there I’m dying to spread a little sunshine to.  So…without further ado…I’d like to award little patches of sunshine to:

Hello Dearest Hurricane
Danseur Ignobile
The Shameful Sheep
Fatty McCupcakes

Patience of Willow

The Real Reality Show Blog

 

You guys are ALL awesome bloggers, and I’m pleased as punch to browse the dusty corners of your respective webspaces.

So here…satisfy my curiosity…and feel free to skip any questions that require the use of a slide rule, advanced mathematics or a crystal ball.

  1. make me the yummiest sammich to ever grace a plate.
  2. Do you like your handwriting?
  3. After that glorious morning pee, what’s the first thing you do?
  4. If you have 20 apples and some bully comes along and bruises half of them in New York, how long does it take the train travelling to Albuquerque to make a savory picnic pie from the remains?
  5. Tell me what’s in your iPod/MP3 player playlist, or the CD in your car stereo right now?
  6. Keeping with the music theme…shuffle or straight through albums?
  7. How soon after the advance ticket sales did you buy your seats for the opening night of Avengers: Infinity Wars?
  8. Have you watched all the other Marvel Universe movies in preparation for this event?
  9. Why won’t WordPress let me skip a number in this numbered list?
  10. Boxers or briefs (or other, I totally won’t judge!)?
  11. What’s the first thing you notice about people?
  12. What makes you unique?

 

Have fun with it…can’t wait to see what ya’ll come up with 😀