That’s some Salty Language


It’s Thursday again, and the 2nd one in Keto.  I don’t want to sound too optimistic, because Murphy’s out there with his big book of laws, but I do believe I’m getting the hang of this thing.

Last week, Thursday, I wanted a Coke.  Every cell in my body wanted a Coke.  So I made a sweet-ish fat bomb instead.  Ate one of those.

And the rest are sitting in my freezer, ready and waiting for the next sweet-demand to hit.


bowl-potato-chips-fbFriday strolled on in with the next carb-heavy demand from my stomach.  I wanted potato chips.  Salty, crunchy, greasy little carb-wafers..the really good ones, where you lick the grease and salt from your fingers, your lips, and (if you’re a REALLY messy eater) pick the crumbs from between cleavage to get every last morsel of fatty, salty, potato-y decadence.


Mmmm – fat and salt.  By themselves, easy to ignore.  But together?  You might as well paint them luminescent green and stick a big red ‘S’ on my chest, because that combination is my Kryptonite.

But instead of running to the store or the evil vending machine in the break room, I pulled a Google search to see if I couldn’t find salty/crunchy fat bombs to soothe this latest assault on my willpower.

Yup.  Some interesting ideas surfaced.

Mixing cream cheese with Italian herbs and a dash of sun dried tomato, smearing a bit on toasted pepperoni – pizza fat bomb!

Cream cheese mixed with Mediterranean herbs, smeared on crispy bacon.

Melting little piles of hard cheese (Parmesan, Asiago, sharp white Cheddar) in the oven until crisp.

Nuking wedges of American cheese in the microwave – again, until crisp – makes keto style cheese nips.

The one I focused on, as it was a simple run to the store – was using pork rinds to scoop flavored cream cheese.  Mmmmm – onion & chive creamy goodness and a slightly salty crunch from the pork rinds.

So long, potato chips.  Have fun hanging out with the Coke!


Now, I may well be imagining things, as a week and change is hardly enough time to really start melting fats, but I believe my pants may be JUUUUST a bit looser.

The other body change that I’m ecstatic about since starting this Keto thing – is my frequent heartburn.  I figured I’d be heavy into almonds or other nut-meats to combat the raging heartburn I’ve fought for over 25 years, or back to the tums.  After all, in the past, when I’d consume anything really spicy & fatty (say…pizza with loads of pepperoni and/or a tomato sauce) I’d be paying for it in pain for the rest of the day.

Nope.  My heartburn is all but gone.  The only time I had to take a tums was with the faux-tato salad I made, and a single tums wiped it completely out.

I’m starting to realize how inefficient and wrong the American Dietary Recommendations are for the human body.  Is there a single segment of ‘Public Health’ that cares about actual Public Health anymore?  Or are they all just visible marketing mouthpieces for Corporate Food & Drug?


Here’s how this week went:

Friday – needed chips.  Solved chip dilemma without resorting to salty language, eye patches, or peg-legs. (Arrrr – avast, ye’ dogs, an’ get to swabbin’ the deck!)

Saturday – My Keto buddy recommended Mio flavoring drops, so I grabbed a few on my latest trip to the store (I should buy stock in Woodman’s, as I’m probably propping up their sales) including Mocha Java.  This one does have a few carbs, so I’ll have to be careful with it – but damn – I can have sweet coffee drinks!

I mixed 2 T of heavy cream with a teaspoon of the Mio, and tried to get a froth going with the immersion blender, only to realize I needed more volume (and more servings) to get coffee whipped cream.  Not one to abandon a perfectly good food-project, I drank the stuff straight out of the glass. HOLY COW – WHAT A COFFEE RUSH!  Next time, I’ll take K’s advice, and mix it with a tall glass of ice water.

Sunday – OK…I have a new way to love veggies.  Roasted broccoli & cauliflower with onions, green pepper & garlic in olive oil – mixed them all together, spread on a pan, and into the oven until slightly browned.

Monday.  Oh.  My.  Gawd.  I can have PIZZA!  I found low-carb tortillas (5 net carb) at the store.  Topped with a white sauce made of several blended cheeses & spices I also found at the store, some chicken, green pepper, onion, cheese & bacon.  No need for bready crusts 😀

Tuesday.  I survived a trip to the movies.  You know how EVERYTHING at the concession stand is carb-loaded?  Not a single kernel of popcorn passed these lips.  (The movie was awesome, too…)

Wednesday.  Mixed some Orange Vanilla Mio drops the same way I do the Mocha Java ones – in a tall glass with ice & water.  YUMMMMM…orange creamcicle for breakfast.

When I’ve time this weekend, I want to try a greater volume of heavy cream, the Mio flavoring drops, and my immersion blender again.

I WILL have flavored whipped cream.




Just how low can you get?

Coco butter bomb 1

20.  That’s low.  For carbs…


Last week, I went on a rampage about Coke and my ass.  The two have spent way too much time in each other’s company lately.

That’s changing.

I’ve been researching the low carb lifestyle for a bit, inspired by a friend of mine on FaceBook who’s been Keto’ing since January.  She’s a bit of a foodie, and she kept posting pictures of all the stuff she’s been doing in the kitchen.

I’ve decided to join her.

The eating style called Keto (short for Ketosis) has diners limit their carbohydrate intake drastically.  It also puts some limits on protein – and allows you a metric ton of fats per day.  My personal numbers, based on a calculator I found:

120g fat      25g carbs     100g protein                 per day

According to the calculator, this will put me at a moderate caloric deficit, in which my body (once it reaches ketosis) will start to burn my personal stores of fat.

Although ‘store’ is really too light a word – My personal fat stores are somewhere between a WalMart SuperCenter and the Mall of America’s available merchandise.

So almost a week on the low carb thing – how did I do?

Saturday:  A dry run, to see if this was feasible.  I made it to around 1pm, then dug out the leftover Chicken Noodle Soup from the ‘fridge.  Hello, Carb Bomb!  Did some grocery shopping to be better prepared for tomorrow.

Sunday:  Did pretty good.  Any ‘diet’ that allows me to eat bacon in the morning is my kind of diet…Stayed on target for total carb intake, went over on protein, low on fats.  Howinhell am I gonna eat that much fat???

Monday:  Missing bready things.  Why do the bready things not love me anymore?  Tried to make a bready-muffiny thing (Kitchen of Horror, anyone), got disgusted, ate some more bacon.  Bacon ALMOST made things better…but the cheese sauce I made to pour over my nighttime veggies made up for it.

Tuesday:  Back to work.  Bacon and no bready things in the morning (I miss my morning toaster-waffle).  Sausage, cheese, and cauliflower dipped in ranch dressing for lunch.  Tried to make an avocado chocolate pudding (Kitchen of Horror, take II).

Have I mentioned I HATE Avocado?  Getting desperate for enough fats…

Turkey burger with lots of cheese melted on top, slathered with real mayo & spicy mustard.  Bacon for a side.  Maybe I CAN do this thing, after all…

Wednesday:  I made a ‘potato’ salad with cauliflower instead of starchy potatoes.  It was sooooo yum I couldn’t eat all of it.  Taking the remainder to work tomorrow.  I’m starting to feel confident in doing this keto thing!

And that brings us to today.  Maybe I’m in the throws of the dread ‘Keto-flu’.  No matter how much fat I shove into my stomach, I can’t get full…and I want a freaking Coke.

So I made Coconut Butter Bombs instead…coco butter bomb 2

These delightful little high-fat, sweet & nutty morsels may have just saved me from a full-blown Coke-fueled rampage through the bakery department at Woodman’s, Pick-N-Save, Costco, WalMart AND Aldi’s.

I still have to tweak the recipe a bit, as coconut butter is a bit grainy.  Maybe a touch more coconut oil, and a bit more heavy cream, to smooth things out…if you want to tweak my beginning work – let me know how it goes?

I can also see the appeal of melting extremely dark chocolate over the top.

Coconut Butter Bombs
1 cup coconut butter
3 TBSP coconut oil
21 drops SweetLeaf ™ chocolate Stevia Drops
1 tsp vanilla
1 TBSP heavy whipping cream
slivered almonds
shredded coconut (unsweetened)
Melt coconut butter and coconut oil in a double boiler until liquid.  Add stevia &
vanilla.  Mix to blend.  Turn off the burner under the boiler.  Let the batter sit in its
hot pan of water, and prepare your mini muffin cups.  Put a sprinkling of slivered
almonds in the bottom, a sprinkling of shredded coconut on top.  Put the cups on a small
pan so you can easily transfer to the freezer.
Back to your mixture, add the heavy whipping cream.  The batter will immediately
thicken.  Stir until glossy.
 pour equal measures in the cups  & freeze until firm.  Makes 17 portions
 PER PIECE:    Cal  122        fat 12g        carb 1.2g        prot  1.35g