Have a Festive SeaKwaHoliChrisKkah (Now Go Forth and Shop!)

Shop-zilla copy

Shop-zilla in its natural habitat

No matter what you call this month-plus of celebratory gluttony, your original reason for the recognition of this special day/week/month has been out-sung by one Goliath with deeper pockets and blood ties to Big Advert:  the retail industry.  In fact, Shop-zilla’s demands (to go forth, spend a lot of money on useless crap your friends, family and/or co-workers don’t really need, in order to receive the same said back) have over-ridden any other (read:  petty, in Shop-zilla speak) considerations for this last month of the Gregorian Calendar Year.

Shop-zilla will go on to implore you to not forget the gift receipts, so all that stuff can go BACK to the store and exchanged for the cash that it has spent a lot of time and effort to make the average consumer consider gauche to give in the first place.

Shop-zilla is not completely heartless, though – it did work on a very positive PR campaign for gift cards in lieu of cash, to the tune of ringing cash registers everywhere, a few years back.  It was considered a claws-down success.

After-Holiday sales are just as crucial as the before-Holiday ones for feeding Shop-zilla.

I want to personally remind you to wish everyone the Happiest, Merriest, and most awesome-ist of this special celebratory time while fighting over that close-to-the-door parking space, or the only remaining in stock item of the electronic gizmo-of-the-year.

The sad part of this celebratory season are the number of people lately taking egregious offense at someone wishing them THEIR version of this special season’s well-wishes, instead of the ‘offendee’s’ own, which they make no effort to disclose prior to that chance-meeting out in public.

I saw a news article (well…someone called it news) on a woman who was so incensed over a cashier wishing them “Happy Holidays!” instead of ‘Merry Christmas!,’ that a fisticuffs broke out.

I really wish I was making this up!

I have a special left of reality solution for this rampant “I’m so keyed up I need to take offense at semantics.”  Three solutions, actually, which I am prepared to share with the world – completely, totally, and absolutely free of charge.

Shop-zilla comment

“Free?????” howls Shop-zilla…

Idea #1

If you wish to have the greeting of your choice uttered within earshot -and specifically TO you- by perfect strangers in the midst of the busiest shopping event of the year – you must have said greeting tattooed on your forehead.  This must be in plain sight, and not hidden by any caps, scarves, or hair.  The largest font available to fit your forehead is recommended.  I would suggest the color scheme be composed of glaringly-clashing hues, to further heighten visibility.

Not into ink?  An alternate would be to wear a banner, a beanie, a ball cap, or another brightly-colored and easy-to-read article of apparel that is, again, in plain sight.  LED lights should be stitched into the fabric and set on a high rate of flash, to really draw the eyes of everyone.  The goal here is:  You HAVE to let the world – every single random stranger you could possibly meet – know exactly what your preferred greeting IS.

I would also suggest multiple languages be considered, just in case someone you come across does not speak your native tongue.

This should hold humanity over until a proper virus that imparts telepathy to the population can be developed and released.

Idea #2

Alternately – how about we switch the official greeting of this celebratory season to what it REALLY is in the eyes of the world:  “Go Forth and Shop.”  This, if you haven’t already guessed, is Shop-zilla’s favorite…

I can see it already:

new Season's Greetings

Simple.  Logical.  Perfect.  And highly recommended by four out of five Social Programming Specialists.  Fisticuffs, ambulance rides, and ER visits REALLY get in the way of over-spending.

Idea #3

We all, as a species, learn to accept well-wishing greetings in the spirit they are given, rather than focusing on (and getting pissed over) minute differences in culture.

Yea…you’re right…#3 will never work…

Now…Go Forth and Shop, everyone!  Shop-zilla is counting on you!

What in the Ach, Eee, Double-Hockey-Sticks is THAT?

Alpha Pattern comic

Go ahead – stare.  I won’t mind.  In fact, I appreciate that this little piece of artwork demands a good, hard, long look.

Innuendo intentional… 😛

This is a bizarre piece fresh off the ‘shop edit board.  I’m rather happy with the way this one turned out, as there’s a lot of smaller, random images contained within the bigger, more structured pattern.  Feel free to start picking your own, smaller images out of the carefully controlled chaos.  Go back to being a kid, seeing dinosaurs or dragons or puppies in those big, puffy clouds in the sky…but this time, with more colors.

It started as a rather simple pattern that I had buzzing around in my head…Alpha Single

Yup…I will most certainly admit to finding this pattern in a season of Dexter, which we are streaming through Netflix, as the kids haven’t seen it before.  In the show, it’s put on a much more gruesome canvas than my electrons crossing the ‘net.  Mine?  Less menace, and much prettier!

Improving the quality of our television is just one more service I offer 😀

 

Alpha Pattern color

Soooo…I took this simple A-within-a-3/4-circle, and stuck three of them together at the top.  These new clusters then got aligned in an interlocking grid.  Toss some colors in there for visual interest, and voila! – the finished, colorized pattern before I distorted it.

If you have ‘shop, go play with the distortion filters.  They are all kinds of awesome.

 

In my files, the final image is called ‘Alpha Pattern Comic,’ as I can see  – slightly right of center (not intentionally – if it were intentional, it would have been left) – a blot of different colors that reminds me of Iron Man.  I can see twisted fish-like creatures in it, a couple of floral forms, and the head of a St. Bernard dog, too.  If you’re in the mood to, share with me in the comments what you can pick out of the pattern…

I started tessellation art a couple of months ago after reading someone’s blog post about Zentangles (see Oh, what a Tangled Web we Weave on the T&T Google) on a lark…which lead to some research on fractals, steadily moving to some interesting (and frustrating) work in ‘shop, viewing wallpaper patterns and study of the recurring patterns in fabrics.  I finally landed here, with this distorted tessellation.

Arriving at Destination:  Happy Place…thank you for veering Left of Reality.

Art is putting your own stamp on the world around you.