Anyone else out there absolutely despise surveys?
Amazon: Please rate your recent transaction… Shit received. The end.
Etsy : Don’t forget to leave a review… Shit received. The end.
The oil change place: How was your visit? Shit received. The end.
All good feedback, no?
The Census Bureau: Your address has been randomly selected to fill out this 19 page, incredibly intrusive document demanding various snippets of very personal information about you and all occupants currently residing at this address to better allow our political units to fuck the little guy. (slight embellishments may have been added). Oh…and if you don’t comply – we’re gonna send agents to your home to bang on your door for 20 minutes in an effort to annoy this information outta you.
Topping it off – this official request for information was addressed to ‘Current Occupant.’
Ya wanna know what I do with any mail that ends up in my hands sporting those words?
If it’s an official Government demand (complete with fines for non-compliance) you’d think they’d at least put a NAME on their documents. I guess cutbacks are a good excuse for laziness in paperwork.
When they’ve acknowledged that there’s an actual person at the receiving end of their badgering…I’ll give them the information they’ve demanded. But…they’re gonna EARN it the hard way.
Anyway – Government-agency annoyances aside – The ever-so-famous Blair of The Shameful Sheep had some fun with a survey that’s going around in the Blog-o-sphere…and since I’m needing the practice of filling out and publicizing personal information…I figured I’d give it a whirl, too…
- Who are you named after?
- My parents were Buddy Holly fans…so when I came out, screaming and red-faced, somehow, it was deemed appropriate to name me Peggy Sue. Yup…that’s the legal name.
- The name was so much fun – especially in 7th grade when the choral teacher decided this little archaic ditty would be PERFECT to teach the class. Gleefully, the rest of the class focused on singing “Porky Sue” instead of sticking to the original lyrics.
- Kids are mean-spirited little fucks at that age.
- Do you like your handwriting?
- Well…doctors look at my left-handed scrawl and proclaim: I can’t read this shit! Even I have trouble sometimes deciphering what I’ve scrawled on a piece of paper with pen, pencil, crayon, magic marker, or bloody fingertips. My handwriting looks funny, weird, sloppy, bizarre and/or totally written in code, depending on my frame of mind.
- My ‘I’m pissed at you’ handwriting is particularly messy and completely unreadable…Although, once I did draw out a picture of a hand clutching a rose, middle finger proudly extended, and sent that as a formal ‘fuck you’ to someone who’d irritated me.
- What is your favorite lunch meat?
- The answer to all meat-related questions MUST be bacon. It’s kinda a rule.
- Did someone say BACON???
- Longest relationship?
- The wuzband and I would have celebrated (teeth firmly grinding together) our 13th anniversary had I not decided I needed an actual life.
- My current SQO and I are rapidly approaching our own 7 year itch, and have stocked up on Gold Bond Powder for the event.
- Do you still have your tonsils?
- I am proud to admit I still come with all my original parts.
- Oh, wait…wisdom & baby teeth don’t count…right???
- Would you bungee jump?
- Why would someone jump off a perfectly good platform? Unless that thing is on fire – and I’m on some pretty intense ‘controlled substances’ – or I’m seriously distracted by, oh….say….DRAGONS flying in the sky….
- Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?
- I own no shoes with those ‘laces’ things.
- SLIP ON’S FTMFW, baby!
- Favorite ice cream?
- As I’ve been doing the ketosis thing for 9 months, ice cream is one of the things I had to give up. It wasn’t a big deal, as the heartburn & headaches produced by consumption of this cold, creamy sweet stuff were fairly prohibitive before keto. If it was slightly tangy (orange, lemon, etc…), though…I’d dive in.
- There’s a place here which serves frozen custard (which most denizens of the Greater Milwaukee Metroplex will agree is far superior to your standard ice cream) called Kopp’s Custard. They make the absolute BEST Lemon Citron custard around…and their lemon-raspberry cheesecake flavor was a close second. A Pint (or 2) of that was well worth the pain.
- What is the first thing you notice about people?
- It depends on the smell. If they’ve recently marinated in their favorite perfume or axe body spray, I walk the other way before they’re in visual/speaking range. Nobody wants to be accosted by a chemical shit-storm of fragrance. Ditto on au naturel – I don’t need my eyes bleeding from your rank sweat.
- Bathed and/or otherwise inoffensive people – the first thing I notice are their hands. You do so much with hands – why not let them lead the way in any introductions.
- Football or baseball?
- The wuzband – huge into football, as is most of the state. Basically, we’re a beer state with a Packer problem.
- The SQO – Brewers all the way.
- Me – Balls should be played with in the privacy of your own home, dark parking lots, or the back rows of movie theaters…not in a stadium in front of millions of screaming viewers.
- What color pants are you wearing?
- Once you go black, you never go back.
- Last thing you ate?
- See question #3.
- Did someone say BACON????
- If you were a crayon what color would you be?
- Favorite smell?
- There are too many to list here. I love the smell of bacon in the morning (smells like victory!). I also love my sandalwood soap, the sage I burn prior to whammy-work, and cinnamon or vanilla candles.
- Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
- I. Hate. My. Phone. I’d rather gouge both my eyes out with a shit-covered pencil than attempt to have a meaningful conversation with a little box of plastic, wire and glass plastered to the side of my head.
- Hair color?
- Well…lemme see, here. I’ve got some red. I’ve got some brown. I’ve got some black. I’ve got some gray. I’M A MUTT!
- Once, I dyed half my hair blonde, the other half red. That way – if I wanted to be blonde, I’d brush it toward one side, red – the other. I also had a purple rat tail.
- Eye color?
- Brown. I’m THAT full of shit.
- Favorite foods to eat?
- Say it with me, folks…..BACON.
- I’m also currently obsessed with rutabaga. Slice them things up into fry-like forms, slather with olive oil, sprinkle with as much garlic powder as you can stand, and bake until browned & sizzly.
- Say it with me, folks…..BACON.
- Scary movies or happy endings?
- I don’t know a lot of movies I can consistently watch to the end, as I tend to fall asleep when I’m all cozy and slightly entertained…so there goes the happy ending part.
- Last movie you watched?
- to the end?
- Right now, I’m watching, and watching, and watching, and falling asleep to V for Vendetta. I’ll probably switch it out when Netflix takes it off their streaming menu.
- Favorite holiday?
- National Bacon Day.
- It should really be bacon month…or just have everyday in the year be bacon day. Who can I reach out to to get this done?
- Beer or wine?
- I’m the oddity in a state which runs on hops….I’d choose wine. Beer is nasty stuff.
- My kids are beer snobs. They call the commercially available stuff (think Miller or Budweiser) canoe sex…fucking close to water.
- Night owl or early bird?
- I consider it sleeping in if I stay in bed later than 7 am. Been working so long at standardized day shift hours, I wouldn’t know how to stay up late.
- Favorite day of the week?
- I lurves me some Sunday. Not because I can’t wait to be close to the Lord (me & my witchy ways notwithstanding) but because everyone else in the household is sleeping/working/out doing running – and I have the place to MYSELF.
- Mondays. Suck. For the record.
- Which three of your favorite bloggers do you want to know more about?
- Here’s the awesome “PAY IT FORWARD” stuff you see in all of these survey types. I ain’t gonna inflict this pain on anyone else. But…if yer a glutton for punishment – knock yer socks off. I’ll read it…really, I will.
Anyone wanna see me take video of dropping a full bag of cat shit out the window the next time the census dorks come ringing my doorbell?