More Salty Goodness

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I flitted through the dread spam filter again, just because I was slightly terrified of recent home events, and needed the distraction.  The spammers kinda disappointed.  There was the usual offerings of little blue pills to get my dick hard, hot Russian wives, and word vomit.

I still can’t believe there are THAT many rant generators on the ‘web.  Check out this one for machine-existentialism:  New Age BS Generator 

 

and then…there was this little piece:

ᎳE WILL.? They eacһ shouted and they ran to the bed room
bickering about who gets to go firѕt.

This…I can actually use.  It’s the perfect opening sentence for a flash fiction piece.

That particular muse is, right now and at this very moment, yawning and demanding bacon and coffee.  She needs breakfast (and a LOOOOONG shower) before getting back to work, but she’s been in hibernation for quite some time, so should be equal to the task.

Rose lineup Flash Fiction

 

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Wheels & Things

 

This morning, when I opened up my email, I got an interesting come-on from the car dealership I bought one of my last cars from:

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Well, this is just fabulous.  I can get a newer car!

Currently, I drive what can only be called a ‘beater.’  My Honda CR-V just reached its majority…at 18 years old, it can now vote, buy cigarettes, enlist and die for its country, and drive itself.  It still can’t buy alcohol, which is a good thing, because I don’t think the world is ready for drunk-self-driving cars yet.

AND I can get a $500.00 gift card.  I know damn good and well they can’t lower my payment, because I own the car outright.  Unless they’re willing to PAY me to take a new(er) vehicle off their lot, they can’t go any lower than what I’m already paying per month to finance my car ^_^

 

Think I should try it?

Sir Spam-a-lot

I have officially been ‘threatened’ with spam.

This would have shown up in the comments on my Adventures in Goodwill post had the spam filters not caught it:

This means YOU, personally, really should weight your words SERIOUSLY f z f, and I strongly advice you to delete this written defamation i c v c of both characters and a huge group of people who do not take slander and character assassination like this easily l b y t s. I do not know which organization you have got to back you up, but if you do not care about lawsuits in the multi-million dollar range, fine, just keep on what you are doing c b n c x. If you DO care about spending x-amounts of money to try and defend this CLEARLY written libel, then take my DELETE-advice. Your “Post” is now officially taken both copies and screen-shots of and digitally stored for later use and evidence. This is just a warning. We are antifa, we do not forget.

 

I wonder – did they

  1. Find the leather pants in my size as horrific as I did?  Imagine the blowback if I’d posted of picture of me actually WEARING them?
  2. Become jealous over my acquiring black & orange striped socks?
  3. Rush down to their local Goodwill in search of Twister pants, and not find them?

 

The world may never know?

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Spam…the Amazing Meat in the Little Blue Can

For some odd reason, I’ve become obsessed with my spam filters.  Just today, I cleaned out probably a dozen quarantined posts for payday loan sharks.

If anyone deserves the nation’s ire – it’s these outfits.  These are the guys who prey on those whom life has handed a big pile of shit, pretending to be their salvation just before they charge an arm and a leg for a slice of tasteless white sandwich bread to tuck all that shit into.

If the riots come down hard & heavy in this country, I hope these places are some of the first to fall.

sorry…venting…all better now…

 

Anyway – I got a real gem from my spam filter, and had to share…

Businesses are erasing the boundaries between nations and
as a fruit, communication with the requisite portion in expanding your
reach as entrepreneur. Communication, in this be important, is the wit to spell out between any cant yoke there is and the transfer services boom has made it
steady easier. You valid be suffering with to persuade sure-fire the circle you trust your transference offers legitimate accommodation,
which can be verified through checking the reviews of the
fastidious one.

Not sure what they’re trying to sell me here – but if I hover over their little link, the screen shot that comes up is coded 403-forbidden.

I’m almost certain they’re either trying to get me engaged to some hot Russian woman, or have some little blue pills to sell that will get my dick hard.

It’s gonna take more than pharmaceuticals for that to happen, people…

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Spam…salty breakfast of Champions!

I occasionally browse my spam filter…usually when I’m bored, tired of games and facebook and general web browsing, or I’m frustrated with a chainmaille build.

Or sometimes…just ’cause…

Today – I peeked in the spammage…and came up with this gem for a user name:

 

Donald trump forming Convervative cannabis lobby

Now…I try my damnedest to keep politics off the T&T – there are plenty of other blogs out there who regularly churn out their take on the political landscape.  If that’s your thing, more power to ya.

But this was just too good not to share.  Hope it brings as much giggles to you as it did to me.

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Browsing the Spam Filters

One of the blogs I regularly I follow is Notes from the U.K. 

Ellen has a wonderful sense of humor I find brightens my spirits, even as her irrelevant photos make me want to nip out and go wander about with my camera.  Being a US-born person now a landed immigrant in the UK gives her observations of life, the universe, and everything a take I find energizing.

The other day – she took a lively trip through the search terms that people use to find her blog.  I’ve seen others get a good laugh over some really bizarre search terms in the past, and spent considerable hours pawing through the back-end of WordPress trying to find where in the T&T this information is located.  I’ve come to the conclusion (accompanied by a bit of cussing and swearing) that Google is my reader’s browser of choice.

Google doesn’t publicize their search terms for privacy, or good-press, or just to piss me off, so most of my view-able search terms come up as ‘unavailable content.’

bonerkill.

But – because I dug around in the back-end of WordPress, I did find a comparable nugget for inspiration:     The Spam Filters.

Let’s stop for just a moment to consider the evolution of Spam…

Before the little cans appeared with their bright blue labels, there were six-pound blocks of canned pork luncheon meat sold to deli-counters.  The shrewd business-people who owned the deli counters bought the huge steel-encased bricks and sold their customers paper-thin slices of the stuff.  These slices were then properly wedged in-between chunks of bread, garnished with assorted vegetables and condiments, and happily consumed by everyone from John Q. Public and his family to the guy who John shared his sandwich with at work.

See – John’s friend’s wife was a lush, and couldn’t be arsed to rise in the morning to pack the poor fella a lunch…But John was just the kind of good hearted guy to not like to see a coworker go hungry.

I guess enough people liked the deli meat to encourage Hormel to make single-family servings of the stuff, thus cutting out the deli counter and selling direct to the consumer.

The meat business is cutthroat…

Literally…

Wives did what wives will do when offered up a new, cheap, and not-needing-refrigeration protein source (other than John’s friend’s lush wife – who spent her evenings in an alcoholic haze) – they came up with recipes and served up their concoctions to their families, who ate it with relish (and potatoes).  Cans of spam were officially a thing in the US.

Then some upstart German started lobbing bombs around, and spam followed the warring men of WWII to infect the globe.

….

Meat that could travel like an average pair of boots or clip of ammunition was huge in the eyes of those paying for mobile army units.  They bought the stuff by the ton and shipped it to the brave men fighting for Life!  Liberty! and the Pursuit of Happiness!  across the pond.   The profit margins of Spam and other canned meat products exploded – followed soon thereafter by the bowels of those selfsame brave fellas overseas who were forced to choke down the stuff at every meal.

You eat anything 3x/day, 7 day/week, 365/year – you’re going to end up loathing it – even if you remember it fondly from the family’s dinner table.

You’re going to resent every spam-filled plate of rations served.  Detest the stuff in every Spam-scented burp.  Hate it as you breathe in the noxious emissions of a barrack full of men full of Spam-gas.  Despise it as you strain your Spam-clogged bowels in the latrine.

War is Hell…

So once the fighting was all done, and our fine men returned to a life that didn’t involve blood, boots and bullets…spam sales plummeted.  The stuff was shoved from the middle of the plate to the side of the plate and further – into the garbage cans of suburbs everywhere.

It’s had a bad rap in the US since.  I remember hearing all through my childhood that SPAM stood for either “Scientifically Produced Animal Matter” or “Squirrel, Possum And Mouse.”

So is it any surprise when the interwebz came along with the barrage of cheap advertising flooding email inboxes everywhere, that the word SPAM would come to symbolize detestable crap shoved on you unwillingly and un-asked-for?

loathing a foodstuff spans generations…

I can attest to the general feeling of disgust when faced with the little cans of potted meat in the grocery.  I had spam…once.

 …..ONCE…..

Granted, it was a generic brand (I believe ‘TREAT’ was on the label), and it was roughly cut by a cheap pocket knife into ragged, uneven slabs that were then shoved between day-old white bread.  There might have been some cheap American cheese tossed in there, as well.

Must resist the urge to gripe about American ‘Cheese…’

The thing was consumed in haste, mostly because we only had time for a very quick eat before we had to rush off to something or other, and I discovered if I swallowed the chunks more or less whole the taste was largely concealed by the bread.

What I remember most vividly about the meal was the way the stuff squished in my mouth before slithering down my esophagus, coating my teeth and tongue in a glistening slug-trail of jellied fat and grease with every movement of my jaw.

I just made myself queasy…

If they consider this stuff a luxury item in Korea – they can have mine…

Buuuuut – to get back on track:  Looking at the spam filter today – I find 7 responses that have yet to be deleted from the system.  Most of them are blatant porn sites.

I’ve got a couple of gushing (pun intended) responses from youjizz, one from xvideo, and one glowing reply from porn.  At least their user names all dead-nutz honest about what they’re peddling.  I have to say:  I appreciate that bit of honesty.

Sadly, the honesty curls up into a little fetal ball and rolls under a conveniently-placed rock once we get to the actual content of the messages.

youjizz is by far the most affluent:  he (it’s easier to assume…) has incorporated me into his own blogroll, has been motivated by my postings to get his own website, and would LOVE to donate to the continued fine writings of the T&T (if only he could find that elusive ‘donate’ button!)

xvideo visits the T&T every weekend, because he likes the enjoyment (yea…I’m a bit afraid of that one…)

and porn?  Ah…such high praise and worship!  He will digg my blog and recommend to all of his friends!

But I can’t forget Zulma – who is at work surfing around on my blog on the new iPhone.  I’ll bet he’s got a sweet deal for me 😀

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I’ll let the spam filters handle these guys, and go out drinking with John’s friend’s wife.